Friday, August 11, 2006

He disciplines those he loves...

Hebrews 12:4 In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."What really brought this to head?

Last weekend, my wife and I were at a family camp through Church.

When we came home on Sunday, my wife went to check her email on the home computer instead of her work laptop. Well, FoxFire has a download manager that pops up and she saw that I had been downloading porn off the net. When she called me into the office to confront me, my heart just sank. I was busted. Just briefly, I thought about trying to lie my way out of it: Blame a computer virus' or something. But I immediately recognized that this was actually an answer to prayer. A couple of prayers, actually. When we were at Family Camp, we both were really impacted by the need to pray that God would strengthen our relationship, drawing us closer to Him and to each other. On top of this, I was wrestling with my secret issue of being hooked on porn.

An answer to Prayer? Yes. I had reached a point in my sin where I couldn't overcome on my own. I didn't have the strength. I couldn't resist. I knew in my heart that the only way I was going to come clean was to get busted. But now Light has shone into darkness, and there is hope. And as I pursue holiness, I believe that my marriage will grow stronger.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

What's this all about.

Hi. I'm setting up this blog as an open diary to share my struggle with overcoming porn. I've struggled with porn for years, having had access to it as a kid, through my teens and on into my adulthood. I've had periods of time where I've been able to walk away from it for a while, but then I'd stumble, sometimes seeking it out, sometimes just following links.

Why do I want to overcome porn? I'm tired of having a wedge between my wife and I. I'm tired of being ambivalent in my relationship with her, and having to fill my mind with thoughts of other women to be intimate with her. Or worse, being unable to keep the thoughts of other women out of my mind and out of our bed. And it not only effects my relationship with my wife, but with all women. I'm tired of not being able to talk to women or look at them with out examining their breast.

But there is hope, and hopefully, I'll be able to share the hope that I've been given with others who struggle with porn as well.

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